Brides-to-be, what will you do with your name when you get married?
We have a few choices. We could be Ms. Maiden Name. We could be Mrs. Husband’s Name. Or we could be Mrs. Maiden Name-Husband’s Name.
I think I knew a long time ago that I would be keeping my own name. My mother never changed her name. She still goes by Ms. Kwan. When she receives phone calls and people call her “Mrs. Yuen”, she politely corrects them. I grew up knowing that it’s totally normal to have parents with different last names.
A long time ago, I told my fiancé that I would be keeping my name. He wasn’t against it, but he wasn’t super enthusiastic about it.
“Well would you change your last name?” I asked.
He thought about it for a minute and concluded that he liked his name.
“Me too,” I said.
Then, it became totally obvious to us that we would both keep our own names.
After browsing the internet about other women’s choices, I was shocked to read that some men would reconsider their choice to marry their girlfriends if they didn’t take their name. It was almost a deal-breaker for this guy. This guy would be offended.
I read forums where some guys said it meant that the woman didn’t want to commit. Some said that if the woman didn’t love him enough to change her name, she wasn’t worth the time. But how come nobody ever questioned the love or commitment of a man who keeps his own last name? Just because it’s tradition?
To be honest, I never wanted to be a Mrs. I never dreamed about being Mrs. Anyone. That’s why when my friend pinned this photo on our shared Pinterest wedding planning board, I told her that unfortunately, it wouldn’t apply:
Image via Etsy.
I think every bride should get to choose what last name she wants, without having to feel guilty or judged.
Are you changing your last name? Or are you keeping your maiden name? How big of an issue is this really? I’d love to know!
Comments
I’ve always known I would change my name, simply because I was teased a lot as a child about my last name, and I don’t have any attachment to it. I know that for some men there is pressure to ‘carry on’ their family name. Of course ladies can feel that pressure too — my family has no young men in it, all my cousins and siblings are girls which means there’s no one to carry our name on. I almost find myself wishing one of my relatives would choose to keep the name, but the chances are slim.
Kaitlyn on September 17, 2012I will be keeping my name when I get married next summer for several reasons:
1. I like my name and I don’t see why I should change it
2. Quebec’s law doesn’t go in for name-changing as a result of marriage
3. My fiancé is from Mexico, and women there don’t change their names either
I changed my name. Maybe it’s out of tradition, but for me it’s not an identity issue. When you marry, you become one. You’re a team, and you work as a unit with each other. For me changing my name meant that I was a part of this team, and that I’d fight for it. Continuing my journey from wife to mother, this is even more apparent in parenthood, and although it’s ‘just a name’, it’s significant in many ways. Just depends on how you look at it. I love who I am, and have my own identity – and now I am even more proud of my identity with my new title and journey (well, have been married for 5 years, not that new).
sharon on September 17, 2012You can’t change your last name even if you want to anymore when you get married, legally at least.
Eileen on September 17, 2012I kept my name. I guess it was part of my identity and I saw no real reason for changing my name.
Kathy on September 17, 2012I’m going to keep my name, I’m proud of who I am and most importantly where and who I come from, my future husband has no issues with it and actually wants to change his last name to mine!!. That won’t be happening as he is the only boy in the family and I want him to have a chance to carry on his name when we have children. On the other hand, I have a close friend who under no circumstances would allow his wife to keep any part of her name. It’s up to the individual and couple. But I do think a name is more than just a name, its tells a very unique and hopefully cherished historical story.
Naomi on September 17, 2012hi! I kept my name when I married last year, simply because this is how it is used in Spain – where I’m from – so there has not been any discussion with my husband. I just explainted him that I like my name and if my grandma and my mother were able to keep it – why should I be changing it…so today everyone is ok with the situation – there are still some people not knowing the background and not used to this that sometimes are asking why I kept my name… but usually above is enough explanation ;)
Silvia on September 18, 2012i love my last name. it’s a part of me. i also will be changing my last name when i get married next month. it’s a traditional thing for me. my grandma did it, my mom did it, and i agree with sharon’s comment about being a team. considering i’ll be going through the name changing process, i’ve decided to put my maiden name into my middle name. i say why not? i’m not a fan of the hyphenating. at least this way, i’ll still be able to see my whole name on legal documents. that will make me happy.
Becky on September 21, 2012I want to keep my name, simply for the reason that I like my name! People will know I’m married because I wear a ring on the appropriate ringer and the fact that I will say ‘I’m married.” Maybe if we have kids I’ll change my mind. We’ve been together so long that we are already partners in life, lovers and best friends. We’re already a team. That will remain the same whether or not we have different last names. My fiance was not enthusiastic about this but when I asked him if it was just because of tradition, he thought about it and suggested both of us changing it to an infused version of both our last names. I’m still thinking about it!
Caleigh on September 24, 2012[...] saw a really cute banner here that said From Miss to Mrs. So I whipped out my cutting machine again and cut out block letters and [...]
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